I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
