i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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