Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
