apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
They have beer where we have blood.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
