Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Did I show you my penis last night?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
