his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm always down for nudity.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
