why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
