Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
