Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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