I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
