oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
