i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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