Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
