Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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