come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
