Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
