Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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