just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
