i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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