the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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