the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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