I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
