Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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