I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
