Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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