There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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