You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
