I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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