there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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