At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
