id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize