Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
