Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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