so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
