So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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