none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
