so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
