Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
