Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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