I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
