"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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