She is in my trunk
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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