Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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