I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
