im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
