TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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