shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
