would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
