Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
