The maid of honor just puked.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
