told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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