Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
