what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
