We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Randomize
