Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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