Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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