once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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