I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize