I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
