took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
