she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
