why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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