i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
