I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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