who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
