Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
