Absence makes the cock grow harder.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Please don't give away my fajitas
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
