Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
