a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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