This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Randomize
