why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
