I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
