The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
