so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
